Emptiness

It had been a while. I can’t really describe what am I feeling at this moment. I can smile and laugh without feeling genuinely happy. It is not that I am fake. It’s just that I felt ..... empty.

Emptiness. The word which I had been feeling for so long. It will slowly eat you pieces by pieces and eventually you think you are getting better but no. You just adapt to it. Adapt to that feeling till you feel that it’s normal to feel that. No, it’s never normal to constantly feeling the loneliness which I feel right now.

Recently, many things happened which makes me in a really miserable state of mind. Problems keep coming non-stop as if there is no other moment like that moment. As I was struggling with my studies, a lot of other things troubling with my mind and it makes my heart in a terrible form. I miss those moments when I feel so so near with Him.

Maybe it’s because I am far away from the Holy truth. From Him. The One who creates me. The One who holds my heart. Sometimes we forgot who we are. We always wanted to be loved by someone who we are attracted to. Little did we know He loves us more than we think.

Basically, let’s back to the basic things first. I remembered the class that I attended last Friday. We really need to look back on the basic rules of Islam. The Five Pillars of Islam and The Six Pillars of Iman.. Each and every pillars has its own purposes for preventing us from doing bad things (read : maksiat). It hits me so hard that I realised how far I am from Him. From Allah S.W.T.

I remembered my doctor said that, ask and seek for strength to fight all those struggles that you have by performing solat. Pray for Him. Besides she also shared that each and every Rasul that we know, taught us something. They are all our role models in every situation that we had. If you are surrounded by sisters, look what Yusuf A.S did. If you are alone look what Yunus A.S did. All those people are the perfect example for us to follow.

I remember my favourite verse of Quran.

أَلاَ بِذِكْرِ اللّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوبُ

(Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.)(Qur’an 13: 28)

It will always be my favourite verse whenever I feel this kind of emptiness and loneliness. As I always believe only He can make me feels calm and at peace of my heart.

If you are struggling just like me. Always remember that Allah is very very near to us. Nearer than you and your jugular vein. Just pray for Him. You know the beauty of prayer is that, before you could even finish your prayer, Allah has already granted you with a piece of calmness which you are searching all this while for while you are making dua for Him. Insya-Allah.

Fake it till you make it. Xoxo.