The End Is A New Beginning

 Assalamualikum and hello everyone, it really had been a while since I published anything on this blog. Tbh, I did wrote a few post but I don’t think it’s suitable for me to publish it as some things are better to be  kept rather than publishing it, right?

Okay now let’s get to our real business on why I wrote this today. Apparently today is a big day for my batchmate as today is the day we received our result for Second Professional Examination in our medchool. Some of you may or maynot know that this examination comprises of 5 subjects which we learnt throughout our third year which are, Pathology, Microbiology (these two are my all time favourites), Parasitology, Pharmacology (Disaster) and we also have Community Health. Maybe I will do other posting regarding all those subjects for you to have some ideas on what the subjects is all about.

So, alhamdulillah we did passed our second pro but we have one person that needs to undergo supplementary examination sadly. Do pray for that person to pass his supplement exam so that all of us can proceed to clinical years in around one month time, insyaAllah. I really really hope that we all pass and we don’t left anyone behind. 

The story I want to share today is regarding myself. To be honest, if you know me in real life, you will know me as a very cheerful and happy go lucky annoying person which a lot of you may think I got everything in my life and what to worry anymore, right? Me being me as I passed with flying colours for my first professional exam alhamdulillah, I feel burden, pressured, lost. Just name every negative things, it was there in me all this while. I struggled during my third year, I thought everything was going to be okay but I was wrong. Being on top makes me feel lost. I always wonder so what next? I already achieved what I want and what next?

I know many of you won’t understand what I feel and will tell me to just be grateful for all the blessings and yess alhamdulillah I do feel grateful to Allah for all of this. Entering year 3, I can’t seem to find my spirit, motivation and passion towards medicine anymore. Suddenly everything is lost. I thought I would enjoy third year very much just like most of my seniors told me on how the did enjoy it rather than year 2. But I was wrong. If you see me, maybe I can score for any test or quiz but that’s it. My big why and my passion towards medicine, lost. I struggled alone because I know and very sure if I tell this struggle or feeling to any of my friends, they would never understand. I studied and score just to pass and have good grades for papers. Not for me. Not for myself or not for my happiness. I can say that I study because of others.

Fast forwards to study weeks for our second pro, my passion and feeling towards medicine really at the lowest level I can say. So what I did was, I contacted one of my friends who I think have the same feeling of losing passion with me and guess what, every single problems and conditions that I told her, she felt the same things too. At that moment I was like OMG I am not alone in this but our problem is that, we recognize the problem and we both don’t have any solution for this. Hahahaha. Pity us. I really don’t have the mood to study and take things very lightly as I just want to pass the exam. Those thought keeps haunting me for every single moments that I have. I can’t really stop thinking about my struggle and it really affected my emotional very badly until I gather my courage to tell and share my struggle with someone. 

So, what I did was, I personally messaged one of my lecturers which I think could help me go through this phase and Alhamdulillah I am forever grateful to have such an amazing lecturers in my life. She really help me and her words really lighten up my struggle a lil bit and this is an appreciation post to you dr. I know you won’t even read this but let me treasure this beautiful memories of us here. She really did helped me to escape my struggle and make me realise that in whatever we do, we always and always need to tajdid our niat. When she told me that, it makes me think on why I do medicine in the first place? Was it for popularity? Was it because I can feel good of myself by learning medicine? Yeah, it really strikes me when all this while, I studied and everything not because of Allah but because of humans which are the Servant of Allah. I always worried of what other people think about me if I didn’t pass with flying colours and whatnot. After I have the wonderful session with my lecturers, I realised that none of it matters if I didn’t gave my soul and study to help ummah because of Him, our Creater. One and Only Allah SWT.

Alhamdulillah here I am today, a big thanks to her I can be who I am today. Alhamdulillah. I have +- one month before I started my clinical years. Do pray for us. For all of us. Hearing or reading about clinical years when I was in my pre-clinical years always excites me but when me myself will enter it, idk, i feel nervous, scared and everything. But insyaAllah all will be well if I put Him first in everything that I do. Istiqamah is really the most hardest things to do you know, it is easy to type everything but in real life, it is not as easy as it seems. If you found me in the wrong path or slipped from the right path, please guide me together with you and reminds me so that we can enter Jannah together insyaAllah.

I hope that you guys can learn something from this post and I hope to see you guys soon insyaAllah. Long journey to go yaaaaa. The end is the new beginning.

P/s : i can’t find pictures for this post so sorry :)

Fake it till you make it, xoxo.